Thanks for nothing

Ronald Reagan once said that the nine most terrifying words in the English language are - "I'm from the government and I'm here to help."  Surely, if we really wanted to, we could come up with nine more terrifying words.  The Gipper wasn't making a literal point, after all.  He was using a bit of humor to underscore something that I think most of us know instinctively.  Whenever people who don't know you start telling you that they'll make your life better, watch out.

Some time ago I opened a bank account with Chase.  I don't recall the exact incentive that was being offered at the time, but they gave me some free money and so forth in order to win my business.  Good enough for me.  Under the terms of the agreement I had to keep the account open for a given period of time (six months, I think).  Then I could cancel it and keep the money for myself.

As time went by it occurred to me that Chase is a pretty excellent bank with which to do business.  They have branches and ATMs virtually everywhere.  The branches at the Meijer and Kroger stores are open until 8pm on weeknights.  My basic checking account incurs no fees for anything.  Online bill payments, wire transfers, etc. - all free.  So I just kept the account open.

Further to that which is mentioned above, Chase even has a nice rewards program for using my debit card.  Since I don't carry much cash as a general rule, I use my debit card for almost all of my spending.  I paid an annual fee of $29 (or thereabouts) to enroll my debit card in the optional program.  In exchange I get 3% of my spending in a handful of categories back every month in the form of a cash rebate, deposited directly into my account.  My typical monthly kickback tends to be around $20-25, so the program is worth a few hundred bucks a year to me.

Enter the government.  What they told you and me was that they were reforming the banking industry to make things more fair for consumers.  Did you actually believe that line of horseshit?  I'll bet some of you did.  Suckers.  What they didn't tell us was the truth - the bigwig corporate lobbyists bought and paid for these banking reform laws.  They had millions of dollars on the line, so they had to find a way to help Congress convince you that they were looking out for the little guy.

What are we talking about here?  Debit cards.  Whenever I use my debit card to make a purchase, the merchant pays a fee.  The folks at JP Morgan Chase really enjoy getting that fee, so they're more than happy to provide me with a little kickback to keep the debit purchases coming.  Everyone wins... except the merchant.  When McDonald's has to pay 20 cents to sell me a $1 McDouble, they don't much care for their part of the transaction.  So what do they do?  Bargain for a better deal?  Require a minimum purchase that would justify the swipe fee (like your local small business probably does)?  No, of course not.  The big corporations get to go to the government and ask for a tilted playing field.

"Greedy banks are making shit more expensive," they told you.  Maybe, maybe not.  I have no doubt that the banking industry adds a few dollars and cents to the price of this or that.  But are we really gullible enough to think that we'll see a single penny in reduced prices now that the government is here to help?  Yeah, and I have a bridge to sell.  No, instead of getting skimmed by one industry we'll just get skimmed by another.  Big win for the little guy!  Woo hoo!

As for me, I can kiss my few hundred bucks a year in kickbacks goodbye...

Hey, thanks Congress.  Thanks for nothing.