Today, however, we have a triple feature. Good news (possibly?) on one domestic front, some more laughs from the ever-reliable 'Obama goes abroad' storyline, and a brand new version of the most brilliant thing I've ever done.
The first bit of good news came this morning when I was dragged from my slumber by a phone call. It was the dispatcher at work, calling to see what would be my preferred schedule for the next six months. Bid time already, eh? I'll be damned. The main priority for me is to stay on the afternoon shift that I presently work. I'm familiar with all of the stores, it's the most profitable shift that we have, and I rarely have to work early in the morning. (This is handy when you like to drink until the wee hours on a fairly regular basis.) On my shift, I could choose from two options - Wednesday and Thursday off, or Monday and Saturday off. Given that the next six months will carry us through the college football season, well, I guess you know how that went.
This wasn't the really good news though. This was just the good news appetizer. After going back to sleep for a while, I got another call from the dispatcher. A last-second thing had arisen and the people at Country Fresh Dairy needed us to bring a load from Grand Rapids to Livonia. The Tuesday schedule is pretty full at Quickway, so only a few of us had the day off. The most senior guy took a pass, as expected, because he goes up north on his days off to visit with his kid and the baby-momma. The next most senior guy was I.
I'm not fond of working on my days off, but those Grand Rapids runs are virtual cakewalks and I bought some expensive furniture recently, so a few extra bucks couldn't hurt. "It's just a backhaul, so you'll be going out there with an empty. They said it will be ready in a couple hours, but it'll take you longer than that to get there," I was told - at 12:45pm. Couple = 2, right? I think that's right.
I took a quick shower and headed over to the terminal to grab a truck. There were no empties at the Country Fresh plant, so I had to come back over to Michigan Dairy and get a trailer that way, meaning that I was delayed a bit in getting out of Livonia. I made the drive across I-96 and got to the Country Fresh in Grand Rapids at 4:45pm. That "in a couple hours" bit was bullshit, as it turns out. I didn't leave Grand Rapids until 8pm. So much for the quick and easy trip on my day off. It was still easy, but not so quick. The $57 in detention pay on top of the $152 in base pay will help to make things more tolerable though. Some things about OTR trucking could definitely be improved. Detention pay is chief among them. At my old gig, this delay would have netted around $4, if I got paid at all.
But that's not the good news either. That's just a side observation that was made on the way to the good news. I had more than three hours to kill as I sat in Grand Rapids and waited for my load of ice cream. Once I finished the daily crossword puzzle on my cell phone there was nothing left to do but start reading. Which brings us to the good news. Happy, smiling guys are not sexually attractive. Since I'm pissed off and/or annoyed quite a bit of the time and most people get on my nerves, I figure I'm all set. Even when I do smile, it's usually with a bit of a sneer as I'm laughing at some jackass who pisses me off or annoys me. Excellent.
Speaking of which... I smiled a couple of times today. The first time was when I saw this article. It's pretty funny man, but seriously, who can blame the guy for wishing it was still 2008? Remember when he was going to reverse the rise of the oceans and make Muslims and Jews play Parcheesi together, or whatever? Reality has been a cruel mistress for The One™ over the last couple of years. On a related note, I'm going to start dating everything back to 1996. I had the world by the balls in 1996. There's really no point in acknowledging the last fifteen years. Good enough for the president, good enough for me.
As for the second one, I think I'm on Obama's side. It's the year
That being said, we were treated to endless lectures about what a jackass our former president was, and how awesomely sophisticated this new guy is. Yet, every time he goes overseas, it's one gutbuster after another. Pity the poor undergrads in Berkely, faced with the reality that their messiah is actually just another guy. Pity them but not me. I find this stuff to be hilarious. (I'm still on his side though. I got your 'protocol' right here, Queenie...)
Now for the Main Event. We all recall the time when our man Daryl had to rain on my parade and inform me that he had already done the most brilliant thing I've ever done. I was stung. I had to regroup. There were serious doubts about my ability to press on. But press on I did.
So there I was today, sitting in Grand Rapids and cursing the fact that I wasn't on my couch watching the ballgame - a riveting Tigers victory, as it turned out. Somewhere during the wait, I got that squirrely feeling in my belly. Ever get that? I do. So I was gonna have to grab a seat on a toilet somewhere, sooner or later. There's a Pilot truck stop in Ionia, not too far from Grand Rapids, on the way back home. So that was the destination. Top off the tanks, do the business in the john, and get back on the highway.
Many of you are probably familiar with the restrooms in Pilot truck stops. The aroma, the graffiti, the litter on the floors... it's all really something. When you gotta poop, you gotta poop, but I really wasn't looking forward to the prospect of doing it there. Then I was struck with my latest thunderbolt of inspiration. I use my Driver Payback card whenever I get fuel at a Pilot truck stop. That free penny for every gallon adds up after a while. I have a couple hundred bucks' worth of points on there, so maybe one of these days I'll get something cool for free.
You know what else adds up though? Shower credits. I shower at home, but I get a free shower every time I buy fifty gallons of fuel. They stay on my card for a few days or whatever. So... guess who had four credits available this afternoon. Yeah buddy. It's not like a Pilot shower room is a glamorous place or anything. It's pretty basic. Sink, shitter, shower, towel, wash cloth. Compared to the men's restroom, however, it's the fucking Taj Mahal. I saw that there were three showers available. I swiped my card at the kiosk and got my PIN number. Walked down the hall and typed in my number on the keypad. And I shat in peace and comfort. BRILLIANT! I'll never shit in a Pilot restroom again. I'm just disappointed that it took me this long to figure this one out.
(If Daryl beat me to the punch again, I don't want to know.)
