I was 25 years old.
I was still married (technically) to a woman that I hated.
I stood 6'2" tall and weighed (an impressively strong, for whatever it's worth) 220 pounds.
I was the general manager of a local pizzeria, where I drank a lot of beer on most busy nights but somehow managed to earn a comfortable living.
I was losing my hair at a steady pace, but not nearly as bald as I am now.
My country was pretending to be united, following an unprecedented attack on our homeland.
And, despite what may have lay on the horizon for me personally, for my country, or for my Irish, Notre Dame defeated USC by a score of 27-16.
Since the year 2001, my personal life has gone to shit. I, individually, have done largely the same. My nation, well, I guess you can see how that has worked out. My Irish... I don't want to talk about it.
Then came tonight.
Your starting quarterback was injured? So was ours, and our backup was in high school last year. You're on probation? Yeah, we're just wrapping up the self-imposed probation of the Willingham years, and the losses to that cheating degenerate Reggie Bush are still on our record. Your new coach is an incompetent, egotistical jackass? Yeah, we know a thing or two about that.
Suck it, USC. Suck it long. Suck it hard. Suck it any way you like. Just suck it. It's been a long time. In case I haven't been clear up to this moment, let me make my point one last time.
