Saturday, February 19, 2011
Efficiency
I can't for the life of me figure out why the Post Office has such a hard time making ends meet...
Setting aside the fact that it took a week for the forwarding process to begin, you and I might look at a package needing to go from Taylor to Northville and envision something like the following:
A fairly basic 28-mile trip, right? We're not the experts though. Clearly a parcel needing to make that brief journey should be routed via the Pittsburgh suburbs. The 531-mile voyage makes it more... I don't know... meaningful, or whatever.
And then it gets to Allen Park a couple of days ago (for God knows what reason) and it's missent? What in the hell does that mean? I don't know man. I got my damned cigars eventually, but I still can't figure out why these geniuses aren't making money hand-over-fist.
The Most Brilliant Thing I've Ever Done
This blog contains somewhere between 1,200 and 1,300 posts. Even though the daily updates don't continue, given that each day seems to be quite a bit like each other day now that I'm off the road, there is still one aspect of the blog that should be clear. Hundreds of the posts involve me telling you - friends and strangers alike - about some stupid decision that I make. Some are embarrassing and some are amusing, but it should be easy for anyone to see that I do dumb things all the time.
Not this time though. This time I find myself worthy of the results of my IQ tests. And you're gonna hear about it...
I've moved recently into a nice condo in a nice area. It's close to work, close to my gym, and centrally located among various shopping and entertainment destinations. This has been a pleasant change from my previous dwelling arrangement, to say the least. What hasn't been pleasant is the process of getting everything moved. I'm settled in now, for the most part, but there are still occasional trips back to Taylor in order to work on what's left. I tend to bring one or two things back to the condo with me each time. I also tend to throw away or donate far more than I keep. I'm not sure that I would be exaggerating if I said that I've unloaded $10,000 worth of belongings in the last two weeks. All these years of earning a living and buying things that seemed useful for one reason or another, only to find that I wound up with a bunch of shit that I don't really want. Stupid.
This post isn't about the stupid though. This one is about the brilliant. I stopped at Meijer in Livonia after work one day last week. I needed to grab a case of beer and a few supplies (paper towels, toilet paper, etc.). While I was there, I decided to pick up a work shirt. I like to keep fourteen work shirts in my closet, just in case I don't get to my laundry for one reason or another. I could, in theory, work every day for two weeks straight without having to wash my work shirts. Pants are another story, of course, but I'm not averse to getting a couple of extra days out of some old jeans. One of the shirts that dated back to my time at CFI (pre Con-way) had become worn enough recently that I threw it away. So I only had thirteen work shirts on hand. One more would get me back to square.
After grabbing my new work shirt and tossing it in my cart, I was struck by a lightning bolt of inspiration. Right near the Dickies shirts that I like to wear, Meijer keeps the socks and underwear and such. There were three packages of black Wilson athletic socks hanging on the rack, each containing six pairs. I bought them all. Then, on my way home, I stopped at the Meijer in Northville. Three packages of black Wilson athletic socks were hanging on their rack as well. I bought them all. Then I proceeded to throw away every other pair of socks that I owned. Now I have 72 socks and every one of them is identical. I'll never again have to match socks after I pull my laundry out of the dryer.
Absolutely brilliant!
(And I don't even care if I'm tooting my own horn this time around. I'm right to be proud.)
Not this time though. This time I find myself worthy of the results of my IQ tests. And you're gonna hear about it...
I've moved recently into a nice condo in a nice area. It's close to work, close to my gym, and centrally located among various shopping and entertainment destinations. This has been a pleasant change from my previous dwelling arrangement, to say the least. What hasn't been pleasant is the process of getting everything moved. I'm settled in now, for the most part, but there are still occasional trips back to Taylor in order to work on what's left. I tend to bring one or two things back to the condo with me each time. I also tend to throw away or donate far more than I keep. I'm not sure that I would be exaggerating if I said that I've unloaded $10,000 worth of belongings in the last two weeks. All these years of earning a living and buying things that seemed useful for one reason or another, only to find that I wound up with a bunch of shit that I don't really want. Stupid.
This post isn't about the stupid though. This one is about the brilliant. I stopped at Meijer in Livonia after work one day last week. I needed to grab a case of beer and a few supplies (paper towels, toilet paper, etc.). While I was there, I decided to pick up a work shirt. I like to keep fourteen work shirts in my closet, just in case I don't get to my laundry for one reason or another. I could, in theory, work every day for two weeks straight without having to wash my work shirts. Pants are another story, of course, but I'm not averse to getting a couple of extra days out of some old jeans. One of the shirts that dated back to my time at CFI (pre Con-way) had become worn enough recently that I threw it away. So I only had thirteen work shirts on hand. One more would get me back to square.
After grabbing my new work shirt and tossing it in my cart, I was struck by a lightning bolt of inspiration. Right near the Dickies shirts that I like to wear, Meijer keeps the socks and underwear and such. There were three packages of black Wilson athletic socks hanging on the rack, each containing six pairs. I bought them all. Then, on my way home, I stopped at the Meijer in Northville. Three packages of black Wilson athletic socks were hanging on their rack as well. I bought them all. Then I proceeded to throw away every other pair of socks that I owned. Now I have 72 socks and every one of them is identical. I'll never again have to match socks after I pull my laundry out of the dryer.
Absolutely brilliant!
(And I don't even care if I'm tooting my own horn this time around. I'm right to be proud.)
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Let The Horse Race Begin...
Fortune favors the bold, as the man once said. Most people want to back a winner. I, quite frankly, have outgrown that mentality. So (with all due apologies to my fellow Democrats) here's my guy.
If history is any guide, then Mr. Cain will have a rather short year on the campaign trail. Senator Dole blew Senator Gramm out of the water in 1996, against my wishes. Then Governor Bush blew Steve Forbes out of the water in 2000, against my wishes. Then Senator McCain rolled over Congressman Hunter and Senator Thompson in 2008, against my wishes. I tend to back the wrong horse every time, but I can't help but prefer people who seem to believe the words coming out of their own mouths. Call me a sucker.
Those Republicans are a funny bunch of squirrels though, so let me be the first to congratulate Governor Romney on his impending nomination. Next in line among the good little soldiers, so... there you go. Bummer. (I'd gladly get behind that hefty fella from Jersey, just for the record, but I take him at his word when he says he's not running.)
On a more somber note, would any of them (other than Christie) really make significant improvements over President Obama's recently unveiled embarrassment of a budget? Probably not.
I recommend drinking a lot of alcohol. This way you'll either die quickly of some malady or find a way not to care while you're still living. Whenever I'm sober though, I'm sticking with Herm.
If history is any guide, then Mr. Cain will have a rather short year on the campaign trail. Senator Dole blew Senator Gramm out of the water in 1996, against my wishes. Then Governor Bush blew Steve Forbes out of the water in 2000, against my wishes. Then Senator McCain rolled over Congressman Hunter and Senator Thompson in 2008, against my wishes. I tend to back the wrong horse every time, but I can't help but prefer people who seem to believe the words coming out of their own mouths. Call me a sucker.
Those Republicans are a funny bunch of squirrels though, so let me be the first to congratulate Governor Romney on his impending nomination. Next in line among the good little soldiers, so... there you go. Bummer. (I'd gladly get behind that hefty fella from Jersey, just for the record, but I take him at his word when he says he's not running.)
On a more somber note, would any of them (other than Christie) really make significant improvements over President Obama's recently unveiled embarrassment of a budget? Probably not.
I recommend drinking a lot of alcohol. This way you'll either die quickly of some malady or find a way not to care while you're still living. Whenever I'm sober though, I'm sticking with Herm.
A Humble Plea
I beg you. Stop buying milk for a little while. You don't have to stop forever or anything. A fella does have to earn a living, after all. Just try that organic soy nonsense for a week or two. I need a breather.
Once we've all recovered from the great milk hoarding panic of 2011, things will go back to normal and I promise I won't question your usual purchasing habits.
Please?
Once we've all recovered from the great milk hoarding panic of 2011, things will go back to normal and I promise I won't question your usual purchasing habits.
Please?
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