I have been blissfully immersed in the world of milk delivery and weight lifting for a while. Well, maybe not blissfully, but you know... Things have been quite busy at work. I've been hammering away at the gym. I've been trying to visit my old buddy in the nursing home. The days just seem to fly by. When you have a short attention span, as I clearly have, this isn't really a bad thing.
Anyhow, I was filing through my usual barrage of e-mails and catching up on things tonight. I came across a video clip of The One™. He and I won't ever be guest speakers at the same political convention, obviously, but I do at least make an effort to treat whatever he says with an open mind. He is the leader of my country and my political party, after all. So today's message was that a compromise had been reached with respect to the impending tax hikes. Well that's nice. Nobody likes a tax hike.
As I watched the video clip though, I was left scratching my head. There's something seriously wrong with this guy. (Don't take my word for it. Check out the Huffington Post or one of those other leftist sites.)
For starters, the rationale behind the urgent need for a compromise was what? The middle class can't afford a tax hike, right? Yeah, okay, I understand that part. But then why in the hell is The One™ pointing out that the Bushitler's tax cuts actually saved $3,000 a year for the average American family? If I'm gonna be a Democrat, then my party is gonna have to learn to stay on message. Bush only cut taxes for greedy billionaires! That $8 a week that we got from the stimulus bill was the only real middle class tax cut!
See, I can still say it, even if it is bullshit. My new party never, ever, mentioned the middle class tax cuts over the last several years. Why? Because it didn't suit the narrative. The asset bubble that came crashing down in 2007-08 was a bipartisan clusterfuck of epic proportions, but the economy actually did recover from a couple of recessions after those tax cuts. Nobody needed to know that sort of thing though. We were on message, by golly. Tax cuts for billionaires screwed us all while Republicans drank Slurpees, or whatever. Now this president is going to give in and say that Bush was right? Screw that.
Then there's the subject of negotiating strategy. What the fuck, Barack? I mean, seriously. You have been saying that we can't afford the tax cuts for upper-income people. The $3 trillion for the middle class is all good but the $0.7 trillion for the fat cats will explode the deficit. You know, beyond the tripling of the deficit that you've already done. We clearly can't afford such a thing, you said. I was skeptical of your numbers, but my monthly Teamsters magazine says you're pretty awesome, so I was willing to play along. Then, in order to get you to go along with an unaffordable tax cut, those dastardly Republicans had to give you... even more unaffordable tax cuts (and a little extra spending, just for kicks)? What the fuck, Barack? How do you expect to have people take you seriously? Or does it even matter at this point?
At least you got that extension of unemployment benefits though. Good work there. I mean, surely the Republicans aren't a bunch of spineless cowards who stand for nothing and would have given in on that topic once the opinion polls showed them losing ground in Michigan and Ohio. No, you read them correctly, I'm sure. Jackass. The Republican political establishment stands for nothing. When they think the public wants a prescription drug entitlement that we can't afford, they're "compassionate conservatives." Then, when a bunch of raaaacist hayseeds from flyover country are pretty pissed about runaway government spending, they're suddenly all "tea party conservatives." These guys are pussies. They would have extended unemployment benefits sooner or later, with or without a tax cut deal. Jackass.
Obviously though, I've been unfair up to this point. I must acknowledge that you stood your ground on the topic of permanent tax cuts. Clearly we can't allow those bloodsucking business owners who sign our paychecks to have a permanent tax break, so you held firm. Good job, Barack. The only permanent tax breaks will be those for the middle class. Wait a second... wat? It's all temporary? None of it is permanent? Just two years, seriously? We get to have this damned debate again the next time all of you sons of bitches are up for re-election?
