1/19/08

Okay, okay. I have a pretty short attention span so it should come as no surprise that the whole trivia thing is starting to bore me. When I was a kid, there was a point that I was introduced to rum and Coke. Then there came a time that I learned that Bacardi 151 packed a better punch than regular rum. Then there came a time that I ran out of Coke, but had a 2-liter of Rock 'N' Rye, leading me to conclude that Coke sucked as a mixer. Then there came a time that the... umm... Muslim-Americans at the local party store informed me that Don Q was more or less the same as Bacardi 151, only cheaper. And that was the point in time when I learned to get shitfaced for $7. Half a pint of "the Q" and a 2-liter of Faygo. Done deal. 'C' is the correct answer. So, enough making me sound like a drunk...

You know what sucks about being a die-hard Notre Dame fan? Watching your favorite team lose all the time. That pretty much sucks. You know what's cool about being a die-hard Notre Dame fan? Eventually you get used to it. Now we can dream of the day that Our Lady's glory is bestowed upon the believers and we can tell the rest of humanity to kiss our collective ass. Yeah, today wasn't that day. We got to the Palace around 3pm, in anticipation of the 3:30 start time. Funny little thing - Wayne State vs. Niagara was at 3:30pm. The main event was at 7pm. Okay, fine. Two hockey games for the price of one, right? So I watched the determined little scamps from Wayne State put up a pretty good fight. Then I watched Our Lady's lads dominate every apsect of the game, except of course the scoreboard. 5-1. We lose. On a side note, whenever you need to understand the meaning of the phrase "revenue whore," look for a team getting booed at a "home game." That's a pretty good starting point. When your athletic director moves a home game against Michigan to suburban Detroit, you need a new athletic director.

After the game, we made the usual pilgrimage to Mexican Town for some late night food and beverage. Then the short drive home. Now I'm pretty stuffed and a little buzzed, so I guess it's a good conclusion to the night. Cheers.

1/18/08

Before I left for dinner last night, I enjoyed a nice cold glass of Faygo Rock 'N' Rye. For those of you who have not had the pleasure of growing up with the delightful recipes created by the Feigenson brothers, Faygo is the good stuff. Sometimes when I find myself away from Detroit too long, I need a Rock 'N' Rye or a Black Cherry to get me back on track. I've had some people try to sell me on Jones Soda and a few other novelty brands, but none of them compare to Faygo. Even the 69 cents for a 24 ounce bottle is second to none. I'll concede to you folks on the east coast that Wise potato chips are better than Better Made, but we have the best "pop" in the country right here in Michigan.

At the restaurant last night, I had a couple of tall cold glasses of... Killian's. The fare was Italian and the Killian's was a fine accompaniment.

On the way home, I had a Diet Coke as I drove.

Then I plopped my fat ass on the couch and grabbed whatever was in the fridge. That happened to be Miller Lite. So the correct answer was A. There are still a few left, so we'll see how tonight goes.

So yeah, another day off today. Not much to say really. It was wicked cold outside so I just lounged around all day... again. Today was payday so that's always cool. I am a big fan of the weekly paychecks. Paid a few bills. Watched some TV. Yeah, I guess that's about it.

What the hell, we might as well try another quiz tonight. I have nothing better to do, right? I am generally not a big fan of mixed drinks. If I'm drinking whiskey, I drink whiskey. If I'm drinking beer, I drink beer. If I'm drinking soda, I drink soda. I was, however, once a young lad. Before I learned to appreciate a good drink, I spent many nights after baseball practice trying to find the best-tasting way to catch a buzz. There is one drink that, as nearly as I can tell, was invented by me. There are numerous references on the internet and they all trace back to yours truly. The mixer was the aforementioned Rock 'N' Rye.

Which liquor was added to the Rock 'N' Rye in order to produce young Joey's favorite mixed drink?

(a) Jim Beam
(b) Jack Daniel's
(c) Don Q
(d) Absolut

1/17/08

I get no respect. I'm not saying you bunch of weisenheimers were wrong. I'm just saying that it shouldn't have taken so long for someone at least to pretend that I'm a somewhat respectable individual. Thanks Greg.

So, I thought about maybe taking the hazmat test today. Nah. I thought about maybe going up to the yard and cleaning my truck a little bit. Nah. I thought about doing some laundry so I wouldn't have to do it before I head back out. Nah. I was supposed to meet my mother for lunch but she had to head up north, so I just kicked back all afternoon. Then I headed out for dinner with some friends. It's sort of a pathetic commentary on a grown adult's life when eating and drinking appear to be the only things worth doing, but whatever...

I did manage to get some center ice tickets for Saturday's game between Notre Dame and Michigan (#8ND vs. #1UM) at the Palace. For anyone not familiar with the intricacies, college hockey is a wicked violent sport. They wear full facemasks and basically barrel into each other like football players, only it's on ice and at very high speeds. That should be pretty fun. The best part - I had enough reward points on my American Express card so the tickets were free. That might not mean a lot to the typical upstanding American. What it means to me is that I don't pay for beer Saturday, since I provided the hockey tickets. See how that works?

Okay, the Godfather trivia seemed to ellicit a few responses, so I guess we'll try again tonight. This one won't be quite as easy though.

Joe has consumed each of the following beverages this evening, but only one is currently in his hand. Which one is it?

(a) Miller Lite
(b) Diet Coke
(c) Faygo Rock 'N' Rye
(d) Killian's Irish Red

1/16/08

Multiple choice Godfather trivia blog tonight:

On his first full day home, Joe...

(a) Got up early to volunteer at a soup kitchen.
(b) Spent the day working on projects around the apartment.
(c) Slept off a hangover and sat on his ass all day.
(d) Went outside and ran a half-marathon.

1/15/08

I'm not generally one to give advice to other truck drivers, but here is some: If you can't drive in the snow, just take the freaking night off. Park your truck. Get some sleep. Wait for the sun to come up. Nobody will think any less of you, I promise.

It was a slow, snowy, sloppy affair on the way up to Traverse City. The roads were clean in some spots and bad in others. The traction was pretty good so I was doing fine. The only issue was the fact that some people were going 20mph and taking up both lanes in the process. 20mph = around $8/hr. = not worth it man. Get the hell off the road. So the time I had to spend navigating my way around those people made the trip a little longer than it needed to be.

I got in to Traverse City about an hour early and pulled into the beer distributor's lot. Before I continue, let's entertain a hypothetical...

Let's suppose (hypothetically) that you drove into an icy parking lot this morning. Let's suppose (hypothetically) that the docks were at the bottom of a ramp that sloped toward the building. Let's suppose (hypothetically) that you parked at the top of that ramp, set your brakes, and went to the door in order to see if the receiver wanted to check the seal. Let's suppose (hypothetically) that, as he opened the door and started to talk to you, your truck began sliding backwards down the ramp toward the docks. If one phrase were (hypothetically) to come out of your mouth, what do you think that phrase would be?

I am 100% positive that I know what I would have said. I know, with absolute certainty, that I would have interrupted the gentleman and said, "Holy shit, check out my truck!" It would have been (in this purely hypothetical scenario) too far away for me to do anything about it. It would have been squarely pointed at the dock, so it wouldn't have had the potential to do any real damage. And it would have been a sight to behold as it backed itself down the ramp, sliding along the icy surface (hypothetically speaking). Of course, it would have (hypothetically) hit a dry spot and stopped before it reached the building. The dock worker and I would have (hypothetically) laughed our asses off. I would have (hypothetically) had a hell of a time getting enough traction to move it back up the ramp and open the doors. And I would have (hypothetically) had a pretty funny story to share with you tonight. That's all assuming that I had actually delivered to a beer distributor in Traverse City this morning, with its docks at the bottom of an icy ramp. But what would you (hypothetically) have said in such a spot?

Anyhow, where were we? Oh yeah, Traverse City. I went down the street after I was empty and parked at a small truck stop. I received my next assignment almost immediately. Pick up in the middle of the state and go to York, Pennsylvania. Pennsylvania, eh? I thought I was going home today. I needed to use the restroom and buy some food, so I sent a message asking if I was still highlighted for home, then headed inside. I have heard from some people that their highlights have been accidentally removed at times, so I wanted to know if this had happened to me. I wasn't mad about the fifth day or anything like that. I just wanted to check and make sure. By the time I got back out to the truck, I had received two messages from my fleet manager. One message indicated that I was still highlighted. The other informed me that I was to take the load to the Taylor terminal, rather than York, Pennsylvania.

Given the swiftness of the reply and the fact that I had already been given a load more or less going straight past the terminal, I assume that they were probably planning to have me relay the load in the first place. They probably just hadn't gotten around to telling me. As a general rule, the driver is required to be the least informed person involved with a given load. Even if they had sent me to Pennsylvania, I wasn't going to be terribly worried about it. Between going down there and getting back home, I would have made a few hundred extra bucks. It just would have seemed like a waste, since they would have sent me right past my home terminal and then paid me to deadhead back. As it worked out, I dropped the trailer in Taylor and started my home time this afternoon.

The dispatcher in Taylor asked me to leave a set of keys with him before I left. I'm not sure what that's about. I'm not in a spot that could block anybody in and they've never asked for my keys before. Maybe I've been fired and I don't even know it. Whatever the story is, it's no concern of mine for the next eight or nine (maybe more, who knows?) days. I'll go back next week and hopefully my truck will be there waiting for me.

1/14/08

Sometimes it seems like the less work I do, the more I have done. Or something like that. I know this makes no sense, but that's just my impression of today.

Unloaded quickly this morning, then a nice easy two hour ride to Columbus. The load was scheduled to go at 9pm, but I headed to the brewery anyway. One of two things would happen. Either it would be loaded and I could roll north or it would not be loaded and I could drop my empty and go to lunch. I really had no preference at the time.

First issue: The outbound scale area is under construction. So, all trucks had to share the two inbound scales - one lane going in and one lane coming out. Half hour, gone.

Second issue: The load wasn't ready, which is no big deal. But they didn't have a trailer available for the load so they may or may not have needed me to put my empty in the dock. So what would they have done if I showed up at 9pm? I don't know. Anyway, I was told I would have to check with the dock foreman to see what he wanted me to do.

Third issue: They needed a bobtail weight. What the hell? I've been to that place a bunch of times and they only took a bobtail weight the first time. Since then, I've been in their computer system. Nope, gone. So I put my trailer in the drop lot and waited in line... again... to get on the scale.

Fourth issue: Nobody was in the dock office. So I got to hang out until some peckerhead showed up and told me that he didn't need my empty. He told me to drop it in the drop lot. Joke's on you fella, I already did that.

Fifth issue: Leaving. The backup of trucks was all the way back to the drop yards. It took over 45 minutes to get out of there.

I finally took off and had a nice lunch, then relaxed for an hour or so before heading back. It only took about 15 minutes to get back in, so that was cool.

Sixth issue: Weight. Beer loads are heavy, but that wasn't the problem. My axle weights were good. My gross weight was good. According to the brewery's computer, I was too light. Apparently they have some kind of fail-safe to make sure no pallets are missing. If you're 1,500 pounds under the weight that their computer says, you don't get to leave.

Seventh issue: Door 36. That's where they told me to go. Only, when I got there, someone else was backing in. 20 minutes later, he pulled out so I started to move toward the dock. Then he backed in again. What the hell? A little while later, he left and I backed in.

Eighth issue: Nobody was in the dock office. More accurately, one guy was there for a little while but he ignored me and then left. When a guy finally showed up, he was a real prick. After he took his sweet ass time making a few phone calls, he looked in my trailer. It took about 30 seconds to count the pallets and tell me I could leave.

So, that sounds like a lot of work, right? It sure as hell felt like it, even though it doesn't amount to much. On the bright side though, I did end up leaving early so I have time for a nap before I run on into Michigan. It looks like it's going to be a snowy bitch of a night, so I plan to get going before long and leave myself some extra time. For now though, goodnight.

1/13/08

Country music sucks. Yeah, I said it. So what? I'll say it again. Country music sucks. When I hit 'scan' on my radio and the damn thing keeps hitting country stations (89.9, 90.7, 91.1, 91.5, 91.9, 92.3...) that's just out of hand. You listening, Tennessee and Kentucky? Get it fixed.

There, that's better. So, I slept like a baby last night. I don't know what's up with that, but of course I was pretty tired most of today. Something is definitely wrong with me. The first step of the day was to go through Memphis. There are a series of interchanges where I-40 turns north and then back east and so forth. As I approached a spot where I was going to lose my lane, in a 55mph zone, a TMC guy came barrel-assing by and cut me off. As much as I intened to cruise at 65mph all day, I couldn't resist the urge to blow his doors off once we hit the open highway. Yeah, Mr. TMC, who has the bigger cock now? You little bitch. Okay, that's it. Starting this morning, I swear I'm going to grow up.

So I cruised along through Tennessee and got to Nashville. I-65 narrows down once you get out of town, so I needed to move over. Of course, a Swift driver had to cut me off as we went over a hill, making me ride the brakes and lose all of my momentum. I had been cruising along at 65mph all day, but screw him. Zoom... Yeah, Mr. Swiftie, who has the bigger cock now? You little bitch. Okay, that's it. Starting this afternoon, I swear I'm going to grow up.

Then on into Louisville... oh hell, you know what happened. Yeah, Mr. USA Truck, who has the bigger cock now? You little bitch. Okay, this time I mean it. Starting tomorrow, I swear I'm going to grow up.

So yeah, I rolled into Cincinnati a little while ago. No, nobody cut me off. I came in hoping that the customer would have room for me to park. Otherwise I was going to have to go hunting for a place to hide. They have plenty of room, so here I am. I'll get empty in the morning and then head up to Columbus for my next load.

I have a friend who is a financial advisor. He was technically a competitor of mine, since he worked for a different firm. Anyhow, whenever one of us had a tricky case we would bounce ideas off of each other and try to get a fresh perspective. I guess old habits die hard. I sent him the text of the post from the other day, along with the message board conversation, regarding the fuel bonus topic. He called me back and raised a couple of pretty good points. I can honestly say that both points had already crossed my mind, but they stood out to him as the two major issues that would crop up in such a system.

First was the question of whether or not a plan like that would be fair enough, or more accurately equal enough. Jeff asked, "What if a driver spends all of his time in areas with high fuel cost? Wouldn't he be unfairly penalized?" As we chatted, I added the issue of differing trucks and engines, which I guess didn't occur to a guy with no knowledge of the industry. So what about it? How do you account for inequities from one driver to the next?

On the subject of geographical inequities, I say screw 'em. If you're unlucky, you're unlucky. No program is going to be perfect. What if you run a lot of mountains and your MPG suffers? What if you live far away from any freight lanes and you get long unpaid deadheads to and from home? What if you get stuck in really hot or really cold weather for most of the year? What if you have to fuel in California and other expensive states all the time? I suppose you could come up with some bureaucratic crediting system (that nobody would understand) to try and balance the differences, but seriously. That's the way the cookie crumbles sometimes. Over the course of a year, I believe the vast majority of us go through a variety of weather, fuel in a variety of places, and see a variety of terrain. If you don't get much variety, there's a good chance you're on a dedicated run. Maybe missing the fuel bonus is just the trade-off you make for the other conveniences that come with running a set route. If you're below average, with a 3,000 truck sample size, tough rocks man. Better luck next year. That's what I would say. Jeff likes the crediting model, but I don't think he knows a lot of people from Missouri. (I kid because I care. No, really.)

As for the different trucks, that one is pretty interesting. Until recently, CTL had T-600's and T-2000's. Now they're introducing some T-660's and some Cascadias into the mix, with varying engines, so it's a pretty complex soup. The simple formula of (dollars/miles) could be applied to any subset, really. You could have a baseline for each type of truck and judge the driver against others in his group. I wouldn't do that, personally. For one thing, the sample size of a given subset might not reflect an accurate statistical model. Then what if a driver switches trucks halfway through the year? Do you pro-rate his performance? What if teams do better than solos (as they should)? Do you hold them to a higher standard? The idea is to simplify, so I would just stick with the company-wide baseline model. I know that the guy who trained me in 2006 got better mileage in a T-2000 than most people do in a T-600. People would either make the bonus a priority or they wouldn't, regardless of the truck. Maybe some people get a raw deal, but again - 3,000 trucks.

I found Jeff's second observation to be far more intriguing. "If the program works as intended, the company CPM would drop, eventually making even the best drivers only marginally able to beat it. What do you do then?" Good question. What do you do? If I were in the company's position, I would then be inclined to up the percentage paid back to the drivers in order to keep the bonus payouts at or near the original gross dollar amounts. If the bonus dollar amounts were sufficient to effect a change, then the company would have saved large sums of money as a result, correct? Then I would be perfectly comfortable, as a company, taking a progressively smaller cut as the overall baseline CPM dropped. In simple terms, if the company's fuel cost dropped by two cents, of which maybe three fourths of a cent was paid back to the drivers, I would up the payback to a penny. Then, if the baseline went down another quarter cent, the company would still keep the 1.25 cents in original savings, while pushing the drivers to go even lower in order to earn the bonus.

Or they could leave the percentage unchanged and let market forces do what they will. Since the bonus would affect roughly half the drivers, a shrinking differential with a constant percentage would mean progressively smaller bonuses. Eventually the incentive would become inadequate, at which time the baseline CPM would likely begin to creep back up. Then the drivers getting the bonus would see a corresponding increase in their payouts. Then the incentive would become stronger and the cycle would begin to reverse. That would be interesting to see in action, but I used to own a business. One of my overriding principles was that I would always spend a dollar to make two. Further, I always paid for the results that I wanted instead of waiting for the results, with a promise to pay later. Stepping in front and keeping the incentive strong would be my preferred approach, but then again I'm not the one writing the checks. Apparently someone in charge thought that $25 a month was a "bonus" until recently.

In any case, it would be an interesting shift from the old, "Get X MPG and we'll pay you Y dollars" model.